My Haircut Is Better than Sex.

There are few things in life that deliver instant transformation. Some people swear by a new outfit. Others claim it's a killer pair of shoes.

But me? I know better.

A great haircut doesn’t just clean up your look—it recalibrates you. It has the power to make you feel brand new, even when your bank account says otherwise. No matter the cost, you walk out feeling like a million bucks—even if there are exactly $7 sitting in your checking account, mocking you.

The Ritual of Reinvention It starts with the realization that your hair has officially crossed into chaotic territory. You’ve ignored it for weeks, telling yourself it’s just going through something. It’s not, it’s bad. And now? It’s time.

You sit in the chair. The stylist asks, “So, what are we doing today?” Suddenly, you hold all the power. You could play it safe. Or you could make a move. Because let’s be honest, if you're already paying for it, why not add a little drama?

A Little Drama Never Hurts Every time, without fail, you ask for the same thing. But that doesn’t mean you don’t flirt with the idea of a drastic change. Inches away—seconds away—from saying, Chop it all off. Give me a long bob. Bring back the bangs.

The temptation is real, and the power trip is intoxicating. You could make a radical move right now and reinvent yourself entirely. But the risk? The risk is high. Because for every successful transformation, there’s a cautionary tale. One impulsive decision away from screaming into the mirror, Oh my god, what have I done?

And so, you stick with the plan. Not because you’re scared. But because you know, sometimes, it’s the subtle changes that make the biggest difference.

Sensory Delight There’s something absurdly luxurious about the entire experience. The smell of salon shampoo: the kind that somehow smells more expensive than anything sitting in your shower, so divine you almost consider tasting your own hair. The hypnotic snip snip of scissors. The first glorious hair flip with freshly cut layers that you already know you’ll never be able to replicate yourself.

And then, the real magic: the head massage. The warm water cascading over your scalp, fingers working through your roots like some sort of divine ritual, and for a fleeting moment, you lose all sense of time. You could fall asleep, drift into unconsciousness entirely, surrender to the sensation and let the stylist just keep working until you are officially reborn. It’s not quite an otherworldly experience, but let’s just say, if heaven had a VIP section, this would be included.

The Confidence Surge There is no such thing as casually leaving a hair appointment. You don’t just walk out—you strut.

The unspoken rule? A haircut requires an unnecessary errand. You do not go straight home. You stop by a coffee shop, a bookstore, a grocery store aisle where you pretend to browse but in reality, you just want to be seen.

And if you’re doing it right, you give yourself a destination worthy of the strut. Me? I take this freshly trimmed confidence straight to Levain to get a warm peanut butter chocolate cookie, because if I’m going to exude main-character energy, I deserve a snack that matches it.

Is It Actually Better Than Sex? Here’s the thing: sex can be great. Or it can be deeply average. But a perfect haircut? It is never disappointing. It makes you feel hotter. There is zero emotional baggage. And let’s be real, at least with a blowout, you know it’ll still look flawless tomorrow.

The Power of Confidence This isn’t just about hair. It’s about that feeling, the moment you catch your reflection and think, Oh. I look good. It’s about presence. It’s about owning the energy you bring into a room.

And honestly? If a haircut can do all that, then maybe it is better than sex.

At the very least, it’s easier to schedule.

And unlike some things in life, a haircut never lets you down. No second-guessing, no overthinking: just pure, unfiltered confidence that lasts until your next trim. Honestly, if my stylist ever double-books me with my boyfriend… well, let’s just say my date night is getting rescheduled.